We all know we are supposed to love ourselves, but what does that exactly mean? After 20 years of counseling clients, I’ve come to believe that self-love is about learning to become our own nurturing and good parent—to care for ourselves as we would somebody who we love very much.
Because we are mind, body and spirit—comprehensive self-care must encompass all three of these aspects of self, as well as incorporate work/life balance, so that we can be centered and well. In an effort to identify areas of need in your self-love practice, please review the following aspects of self-care and indicate from 1 to 10 how well you are addressing them, with 1 being “poorly” and 10 being “fabulously.” Either print out this article and circle your rating for each category or write it down your ratings on a piece of paper. Then total each section.
How well are you doing with regard to:
MIND:
Self-Compassion—ability to silence your inner critic and be your most compassionate advocate.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Self-Forgiveness—ability to forgive yourself and truly release and self-blame or undue guilt or anxiety for any past behaviors.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Self-Acceptance—ability to accept yourself exactly as you are at this point in time, understanding that we are all works in progress and not expected to be perfect.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Self-Affirmation—ability to honor your strengths, gifts and unique abilities and to see all that is beautiful and good about you.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Growth/Learning—engagement in activities that promote expansion of your knowledge, thinking, skills and awareness.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Mind Section Total Score:
Average Score (total divided by 5) :
Rating of Average Score (1-3=Poorly, 4-6=Could Be Better, 7-8=Good, 9-10=Fabulously):
BODY:
Nutrition—healthy eating, limiting sugar and processed foods, home cooking, balanced meals, taking multivitamins, etc.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Exercise—intentional exercise such as going to the gym, weight training, yoga, Pilates, playing sports, etc.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Activity—keeping active in terms of walking, taking stairs, and doing other activities that are not sedentary such as gardening, playing with kids, or dog walking.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Sleep—getting enough sleep, ability to fall asleep easily and have sound sleep.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Healthcare— annual physicals, dental care, and specialty care such as OB-GYN, chiropractic, nutritionist, massage therapist, etc.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Hydration—drinking enough water.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Substance use— moderating any use of substances including caffeine, alcohol, etc.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Body Section Total Score:
Average Score (total divided by 7) :
Rating of Average Score (1-3=Poorly, 4-5=Could Be Better, 6-8=Good, 9-10=Fabulously):
SPIRIT:
Meditation/Reflection/Prayer—creating time and space for quiet reflection through meditation, prayer, journaling, etc.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Connection to Nature—time and space to connect with the outdoors, animals, plants, etc.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Connection to Community—participation in 12-step groups, yoga studio, meditation group, church/synagogue/mosque or any other group of like-minded people connecting on a deeper level.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Spirit Section Total Score:
Average Score (total divided by 3) :
Rating of Average Score (1-3=Poorly, 4-5=Could Be Better, 6-8=Good, 9-10=Fabulously):
WORK/LIFE BALANCE:
Time Boundaries with Work—setting healthy boundaries with work hours.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Leisure/Hobbies—creating time and space for relaxation and activities that refill your cup.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Unplugging from Technology—turning off your phone before bedtime, during mealtime and not responding to work emails after work hours/while on vacation, limiting screen time, etc.
Poorly Could Be Better Good Fabulously
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Work/Life Balance Section Total Score:
Average Score (total divided by 3) :
Rating of Average Score (1-3=Poorly, 4-5=Could Be Better, 6-8=Good, 9-10=Fabulously):
Rating Overview:
Mind:
Body:
Spirit:
Work/Life Balance:
In reviewing your averages for each section, identify your primary areas of needed support, especially those aspects rated as “poorly” or “could be better.” Part of self-care is enlisting support, which we all need to be well. Consider seeking counseling or therapy to help you improve your self-care. Think about any additional support which might be beneficial, such as working with a nutritionist, a personal trainer, signing up for a mindfulness meditation or yoga class. Reflect on any self-care practices you’d like to reinstate (like picking up your dusty guitar) or begin (like journaling or a starting morning meditation practice.) Write out an action plan for addressing the primary areas of need. Set a reminder in your calendar to complete this assessment again in 30 days. Repeat each month and watch yourself blossom!
“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort.” ~Deborah Day
Article by Joyce Marter, Founder of Urban Balance; VP of Marketing & PR for Refresh Mental Health.